I got my new pair of glasses today. I really needed it... Its so telling that it came at a time when I needed to view and see the world, see my relationship with N with new eyes....
Things changed a lot last night.... My quick words hurt her to the core.... It dropped her ..... It broke her...
How do I fix it? I can't fix it... I have to fix me. I have to make the changes that I need to so I can be better for the woman that I love... I have to look inside of me ...
N has asked for space and time and that I am giving her... If I lose her again I have no one to blame but me.... I can't imagine my life without her... I just can't and at this moment I won't
I am so tempted to text, to vmail, to call.... but I have to respect her decision for space..... I have to let her be in her space....
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I am slowly becoming comfortable in my skin.... I am not fully there but I will get there. I am no longer forcing me... I am taking the steps bit by bit to get there.
At school I am able to dress in a way that makes me comfortable. Still room for improvement as I thread on cautious grounds.
It all started with me being less fearful and just embracing the changes that I needed to make.
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