Struggles Inside

I stood at the door..looking out but not wanting to venture forth.. I saw the lights then the dimness but I kept at the door.... I heard the music, the buzzing, the barking through the silence... I heard sounds in my ears... I saw the views but I couldn't understand, maybe I just don't want to see what is in front of me...

I traveled only for a short time but I came back with smiles but met pain, I met indifference.. I became angry, I lost myself...something had changed... I though I understood ... I thought I had it all under control...Yet life continues to teach me..... I cannot be myself as of late... It is almost as if I had been drown from the world of caring...ALmost as if I had lost a reason to want to be.....

Perhaps in time I will understand but as of late I am just lost..... uncaring and unwanting.............. I should be celebrating but what is there to...........