Friday, December 3, 2010

Obssessivley Compulsive

My desire! My Passion! My Sanity! The counting process begins, my mind wanders, I tap, I think hard, I think harder, I ponder...

What had I not done? Why didn't I recheck the list? Did I clean sufficiently? Were the curtains tied properly? Wait, it must be done..hmmh.. Did I fold the laundry..Was the sorting coordinated? Yes, the craziness of my mind that haunts me daily.

I have tried to remedy it but to no avail. Perhaps I thought, if kids were in the picture I would not be so neurotic. But fostering didn't aid me. ... I remained solidly in place. The craziness of me is slowing reflecting itself in "my kids". I see little Tiffany being as neurotic as I am when things are not placed correctly. Yet I get annoyed by her insistance which is me. How funny.....and o so hypocritical.

The hairs on the bathroom floor must be cleaned, it hadn't belonged to me. I thought and I got angry and I cleaned vigorously.

Friends feel levels of unease in my home, always afraid to tip the scale. i laugh because I think they are crazy.... Oftentimes I think that they are overreacting to me just wanting a clean and organised environment.

Yes that is what it is.... A need to have sanitary spaces.

Yet I know something has got to give... I am yet to cook in my own kitchen , to use the stove for fear of the scents that will accumulate. .... Help, find me but I am powerless to change...

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