Wednesday, December 1, 2010

AIDS/HIV at Home

"You have AIDS - Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome" "Not those words". .. "Please, Please, I want to live".... " I will do anything, just don't say that to me" . As one walks dazed, confused and hopelessly away from the doctor. What to do about life? What to say?

In the small island of home, AIDS/HIV is deemed a death sentence. "Everyone disappears" ... 'everyone scorns"... everyone hurts... "Why me"... " Why them?". The collective cries of our dear infected brothers and sisters.

Why this topic? Why now? Because, today is World AIDS/HIV Awareness Day. Yet it feels as if the message has been lost. Not only have we continued to be at risk but we seem to care less. It is almost as if we have forgotten the horrors of years gone by. Remember when it was "the gay disease".. Remember when one lost to the homophobes who kept loved ones away. History cannot be lost. This time must be remembered.

In my own life, losing a father, a brother, dying six months apart. I died for a moment until I had the strength to want to live, to want to carry on the memory of loved ones. I died until I found a way. I died for wanting to hold on.

The whispers, the gossip that sets unease. The pain of seeing the dawns drowned by the continued frailty of the ones soon to be lost. As the days mingled with the nights, the memories left as I tried to salvage my lost. I asked why so many times? I couldn't understand.

As I reflect today, the sadness finds me, indifference and anger finds me. I have grown a bit, the experience has taught me well. I stand better equip to understand the afflicted. You cannot become infected by touching, by holding, by being a friend.

Yet in my quiet times, I long and I crave for the ones I loss. Perhaps the losses would be enough and no more.

Let us remember and never forget. Let us live with a need to keep living. To those afflicted, find your way to peace despite the agonies of the body, the pains of what is and what will be. Remember AIDS/HIV doesn't have a preference, it just takes at will.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for your story. Hopefully, the tables will turn on the disease and there will be a cure. So many lives counting on it...children, parents, sisters, brothers, friends, and lovers.
    Lori Hahn, Co-Editor, Our Big Gayborhood